5 Things Seminary Didn't Teach Me
What I've Been Learning Over the Last 20 Years
Some things seminary didn't teach me to be a good Pastor that I've had to learn as I go:
1. Self-awareness: what do i want? why do i want it? what bothers me? why? why am i anxious/angry? how do i cope with stress? why? what threatens me? why? Learning how humor and intelligence are shields and defenders - good gifts, yes- but also protectors that can injure others.
Learning to be self-aware is key if we are going to love others as we love ourselves.
2. Patience: what work/task do I feel like is more important than people? why? What feels urgent/necessary/emergency and why?
Many of my biggest mistakes as a Pastor come when I act in impatience, moving too quickly for the pace of God's Spirit or the good of others.
3. Presence: this includes how to be a good listener, to notice and name when i want to control, fix, avoid, or freeze up in relationships or situations, learning to live more fully in my body, being open to change and others without the need to get my way or control everything.
Being present is probably the most difficult human skill of all for me, and the most crucial.
4. Failure: so much at stake for me in being right and winning/succeeding. So much time and energy spent making sure I'm perceived to be good and right. Learning to be wrong, learning to be open about failure, learning to even fail publicly has been a grace for me.
Our Christian faith is impossible to live well if we are unable to be wrong and fail with others.
5. Love: how to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things; how to not get my way, to not be rude or proud, making room for the right kind of difference and learning to oppose the wrong kind of difference, how without love nothing else matters: no sermon, no size of crowd, no plaudits or applause, nothing.
Self-awareness
Patience
Presence
Failure
Love
These are 5 graces I've received - and continue to receive - since seminary over the least 20 years.
Thanks, Matt. Self awareness is huge! Looking back at my time in the pastoral ministry one key event sticks out. It was on a coaching call and I was telling my coach about my upcoming church council meeting. He noticed that I was planning to try to "sell" them on something I wanted them to pursue. When he questioned my use of the term "Sell" I began to ponder what was happening in me. I realized it really was not my place to "Sell" anything. From that time on, I was careful to try to leave my ego out of it and "Offer" what I had in mind. Not sure if it changed what actually happened in the church, but it sure changed the way I approached and evaluated what we were doing.
If we all learned these, what a world it would be!